Final Fantasy VII ?
by Angel of Atonement
Summary: What happens when a father tries to impress his kids by telling them the complex story of Final Fantasy VII? They rewrite it to their liking, that's what. Please read and review.


**AoA: Hey everyone, I'm back! It didn't take me as long as I thought to wrap up this oneshot, so hopefully I'll get back to my first fic quickly.**

**Cloud: Does your other fic have FFVII in it?**

**AoA: Yes, but its a Kingdom Hearts fic about Sora going to SquareEnix worlds so you, Yuffie, Cid and Aerith aren't in it since you're supposed to be from Hollow Bastion in that game.**

**Yuffie: Then it's infinitely inferior to any other FFVII fic.**

**Cid: Agreed.**

**AoA: Its not an FFVII fic, its a Kingdom Hearts fic!**

**Aerith: How about a cameo, AoA?**

**AoA: Well, Cid is mentioned, but that's it so far.**

**Cid: Well, I guess I was wrong about you. You've got taste and brains after all.**

**Yuffie: Traitor!**

**AoA: Tell you what, Aerith, since you're not in my other fic I'll let you do the disclaimer for this one.**

**Aerith: It would be my pleasure. Angel of Atonement doesn't own Final Fantasy VII, it is owned by the SquareEnix company.**

**Cloud & Yuffie****: What about us!**

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**Final Fantasy VII ?**

"But dad, you're no good at stories," complained the ten year old Jake. His father had offered to tell them another bedtime story of his, but he never was able to come up with anything they thought was good enough.

"Yeah, dad," Jake's eight year old sister Chloe agreed. Their father had always tried to be creative for them over the years, but they were always disappointed. They also felt they were getting a little old for stories.

"This time will be different," their father assured them. "I've been saving this story for a very long time, until I thought you were both mature enough for it. I must say that the day has come sooner than I thought."

"Dad, we're giving you one last chance."

"Yeah. If you mess this up then that's it."

"Don't worry, you won't be disappointed."

"Well then what's it called?"

"Uh…how about Final Fantasy?"

"Final Fantasy?"

"Dad that title is so lame. Is this about princesses and dragons or what? What happened to mature?"

"Well, there are dragons, but if you don't like the name then how about World Crisis?"

"Well, I guess that will have to do," Jake agreed.

"I can tell you're going to need our help," Chloe added.

"Our story begins in a huge city called Midgar, where the evil Shin-Ra corporation is sucking out the planet's energy through giant reactors to supply energy to the people."

"Hey! If they're giving the people energy then why is the company evil?"

"Because they are killing the planet and charge too much. Now, a small resistance group attacks one of their reactors and blows it up with the help of a mercenary named Cloud."

"They blew it up?"

"That's terrible! People could be hurt!"

"Yeah, I say the company be good and these guys be evil!"

"What? That's completely wrong!"

"Trust us, dad. Just keep going."

"Oh, fine. The 'evil' group was called AVALANCHE and their leader was named Barret. He hired Cloud to help them destroy another reactor. Cloud agrees because his childhood friend Tifa is also a member."

"What's Tifa like?"

"She's a master fighter and very pretty."

"Naw, a fighter girl should be a tomboy."

"Yeah, and really big too! Bigger than Barret!"

"Uh, Barret's pretty big, and he has a gun grafted on to his arm so he's pretty scary."

"A gun? That's no good. How about a flamethrower?"

"Well, he has different attachments..."

"Oh, come on. You expect us to believe he has a gun for an arm AND that he can customize it whenever he wants?"

"Let's just continue," their father sighed.

The story progresses until Cloud meets Aerith.

"Is she the heroine, dad?"

"Well she's one of them."

"Let's make her blond and pretty!"

"Yeah, and wear a cool blue and white martial arts suit!"

"Uh, she's a spell caster and she wears pink."

"PINK? Come on, dad. That is so stereotypical! And anyway, she should be a fighter since Tifa already became our materia user."

"But you're mixing up their characters! And I thought only fighters had to be big!"

"Don't worry, dad! We know what feels right!"

Eventually Cloud tells of his past with Sephiroth after being banished by the hero Rufus, who aided Sephiroth in removing the dangerous Jenova before AVALANCHE could release it in to the world.

"I say Cloud went nuts and killed people!"

"Poor Sephy," Chloe added.

"I'm starting to dislike this story," their father groaned.

Much later.

"Okay, so Jenova isn't calling Meteor, but multiplying until she overcomes the planet?" the father asked.

"Yeah! Its way better than that stupid 'become a god' idea of yours."

"And Sephiroth has been running from AVALANCHE with Jenova's heart to keep it from their hands?"

"Exactly! And Aerith has realized how evil AVALANCHE is, so THAT'S why she leaves to summon Holy and defeat the Jenova duplicates."

"And Cloud's even more evil now 'cause he's totally obsessed with Aerith and now wants her dead for betraying them."

"What was wrong with my original story?"

At the ancient capitol.

"You want Sephiroth to kill Cloud?"

"Of course! Why would Sephiroth kill her? They're on the same team."

At the Northern Crater.

"So Jenova is using Cloud's dead body as a host to call its duplicates together, and Rufus arrives in time to rescue AVALANCHE, who has learned the error of their ways. Sephiroth stays to battle Cloud, but WEAPON comes out and he must also flee."

"Your really getting in to it now, dad!"

"Yeah keep it up!"

At the final battle.

"And so Sephiroth valiantly dispatches the mutated Cloud with his Holy-infused sword, killing all of the lesser Jenova offspring and saving the world. He smiles as Aerith runs in to his arms and..."

"What's wrong, dad?"

"Yeah, you're almost done!"

"What the heck am I saying? This is all wrong! Listen up, kids! This is the real story, from start to finish, and I don't want any more fuss!"

Jake and Chloe listen as their father quickly, and angrily, tells them the entire plot of Final Fantasy VII.

"Well," the father said, slightly out of breath. "What do you think of that?"

"Dad, that was so lame," Jake responded.

"Yeah, totally," Chloe agreed.

"What? Why?"

"Come on dad. That story had swords, guns, magic, dragons, robots, aliens, demons, ninjas, mutants, and talking animals."

"Yeah. You can't just throw everything together like that and expect it to work. It's just too much," Chloe stated. "Not to mention that you go through all the trouble of making Aerith so important then kill her off."

"And why on earth would Sephiroth kill her if Holy is only released when the one who prays for it dies? He should have been protecting her! Also, why would she even want to release Holy before Meteor was summoned? She wouldn't have even had to sacrifice herself if the team just did everything they could to prevent the summoning."

"And that's not even mentioning that Holy couldn't stop Meteor in the end, anyway! The planet had to use the Lifestream to do it, making Aerith's death completely pointless."

"And another thing, Cloud's mental problems were way too complex. Who wants a schizophrenic hero?"

"Yeah. What were you doing, just trying to create the illusion of a clever plot?"

"I also have a hard time believing that Cloud could have beaten Sephiroth originally at the Mount Nibel reactor if he was some legendary super warrior and Cloud couldn't even make it in toSOLDIER."

"No kidding. How'd he pull that off? And why was there a vampire and a ninja on the team? They were completely unnecessary for the main story. You just put them in because you thought it'd be cool, didn't you?"

"Kids, go to bed," their father sighed, feeling quite dejected.

"Goodnight dad, and don't feel too bad," Chloe offered as she left.

"Yeah, you're just not cut out for story writing, that's all," Jake confirmed.

As his children went off to their rooms the father walked to the den, where his wife awaited him.

"Did you hear what they said about the story, Tifa?"

"Yes, Cloud, but don't feel too bad. They're just kids. Besides, their version was pretty interesting."

"I think they just wanted me to be the villain because they thought I was being egotistical to name the hero after myself."

"I'm the one who should be upset! They knew Tifa was named after me and they wanted to make me a giant tomboy spell caster!"

"Hehe, yeah. I fought them on that one."

"Not enough."

"Hey Tifa?"

"Yes, Cloud?"

"Why did Sephiroth kill Aerith?"

"I don't know. Why did Aerith pray for Holy before Meteor was summoned?"

"..."

"..."

"?"

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**AoA****: Well, that's it. What'd you think?**

**Cloud****: Do you hate Final Fantasy VII or something?**

**AoA****: Of course not! Its one of my favorite games!**

**Tifa****: Then what's with all of the pointing out plot holes and saying it makes no sense and is too overdone?**

**Jake****: Well, he's right.**

**Chloe****: Yeah!**

**AoA****: It was them! They put me up to it!**

**Red XIII****: You're only saying that because those two are the only characters in this that you do own, so you can lay the blame on them without hurting their feelings.**

**AoA****: Ahem. Well, anyway, I really do like FFVII, I just thought it would be funny to point stuff out. Besides, its all context. Anyway, please review if you read, even just a single line or even word. Its not much trouble.**

**Sora****: Come on, Angel! You've got Heartless to write getting their butt kicked!**

**AoA****: Coming, Sora.**

**Sonic****: What about me? You've got two story ideas listed for me on your profile!**

**AoA:**** Sorry Sonic. Maybe if some people read my profile and email to me saying they want your stories posted, but for now I'm working with Sora.**

**Sora: By the way, Angel of Atonement doesn't own Sonic the Hedgehog, either.**

**AoA****: You keep doing that!**

**Sora****: I wouldn't have to if you didn't forget to disclaim everything in the first place!**


End file.
